That boys are now more likely to own a smartphone than to live with their dad is striking.

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The headline on The Guardian’s Opinion Page (a newspaper from England, the US Edition), says:

Boys need mentors, not marketers.

The opinion piece was written in response to, and in agreement with, former football (soccer) player and manager Sir Gareth Southgate, who raised the alarm on boys.

Rather than turning to teachers, sports coaches or youth group leaders, Sir Gareth said he feared many young men were searching for direction online. There, he said they were finding a new kind of role model, one that too often did not have their best interests at heart.

“These are callous, manipulative and toxic influencers, whose sole drive is for their own gain,” he said.

“They willingly trick young men into believing that success is measured by money or dominance, that strength means never showing emotion, and that the world, including women, is against them.”

The Guardian Opinion piece picks up the theme:

Boys used to be raised by their parents. Now, as they grow up, an increasing number are coming under the influence of toxic online figures who push a hollow, misogynistic version of masculinity. This isn’t helping their character or their relationships. But it does work for a digital world where worth is measured in money, status and appearance. Girls have long seen their mental health suffer from social media comparisons and phone addiction. But that doesn’t make it any less troubling now that boys are being similarly affected.

There is much to unpack in these brief quotes from the challenges of social media to fatherless boys to male role models, to mention a few.

But underlying the boy crisis in the US, the UK, and many other parts of the world, are these big questions:

What is our vision for masculinity? What is our vision for our boys? What kind of boys do we want to raise? What kind of men do we want in our communities?

At least in the US, it’s obvious we have no idea.

We have a label for masculinity—toxic. Think about that for a moment. Every boy, every man, is toxic simply because he is masculine. How’s that for a vision to live into?

We say we want men to be compassionate, good, hardworking, and engaged with their families. But many of the men we’re electing to lead our cities, states, and country, are men invested in their egos, grievance, power, and blasting through the boundaries of what makes a society just, good, and free.

As Sir Southgate and The Guardian point out, increasingly our boys are being mentored by digital voices—toxic men pouring their broken masculinity onto impressionable boys looking for a vision for what it means to be a man.

And when boys aren’t given a good vision for manhood, they will grab whatever is tossed their way—because they are desperate to become men.

What if we took back control of that vision for manhood?

What if we saw masculinity for what it really is—a beautiful, important, necessary part of humanity?

What if the dads and moms and grandpas and grandmas and uncles and aunts and coaches and teachers who care about boys and care about the kind of men these boys become, took back the storyline and began to pour good masculine energy into them?

While we still have work to do, since I was a kid our culture has put a lot of energy into revisioning what it means to be a woman. My daughter and granddaughters are the inheritors of that vision.

What if we did the same thing for our boys?

But how? you ask.

Let me suggest some resources to get you started. These resources have been developed over the course of years using the latest in brain-science research, best-practices, life-experience, and robust testing.

Boys, A Rescue Plan: Moving Beyond the Politics of Masculinity to Healthy Male Development. Co-authored by my good friend, Dr. Michael Gurian, one of the leaders of the modern boys movement, and Sean Kullman, the book looks at the boy crisis and how we can move beyond political arguments to a plan for nurturing boys into wise, compassionate, good men.

Rites of Passage. Michael Gurian and I have created several different rites of passage that can be used in group settings or with a boy and his dad/mentor. (We also have editions for girls.) Both faith-based and secular ROP’s are available.

The Adventures of Toby Baxter Series. (Books 1-4 currently available.) I am writing this series in part to take boys (and girls) through fun, engaging adventures into what it means to be a HEROIC boy (or girl).

Searching for Tom Sawyer: How Parents and Congregations Can Stop the Exodus of Boys from the Church. Written for a faith-based audience, I offer insights into boys and how to instill a vision for good manhood into them.

Think about a boy in your life: Your son. Your grandson. Your nephew. Your student. Picture him in your mind. What are your hopes and dreams for him? What kind of a man do you want him to be? What kind of a man does the world need him to be?

He’s waiting for you! Show him the way.

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Amazon review of The Adventures of Toby Baxter—Book 4: EyeHeart RiverHome: TRicketts

5.0 out of 5 stars Fun family friendly adventure

Reviewed in the United States on March 6, 2025

This is a fun action packed story fun for kids and adults. I love to read books with my son so we can discuss them together. We both found this laugh out loud funny, endearing, and entertaining. Toby’s world is very busy with action, romance (ugh!), and dealing with Mom! This is well written and clever. Definitely want to read the rest of the series.