Welcome to our Summer Newsletters.  Today we hope you to enjoy the wisdom of a friend of the Gurian Institute, and a very wise parenting expert, Jennifer Fink, who writes the Building Boys Bulletin on Substack – https://buildingboys.substack.com/.  Her original post is here:  https://buildingboys.substack.com/p/my-summer-success-equation.

While we at GI continue to caution every parent about letting kids have inordinate screen time  (and Jennifer agrees), still, Jennifer’s comments on gaming and future tech careers are important to consider.  Keep reading below and on her Substack as she provides a lot of useful suggestions.  Thank you, Jennifer!

Worried about how your son is spending his summer vacation?

Relax. The things you think are a “waste of time” may be helping him prepare for his future.

Consider this:

World of Warcraft (WOW) helped Alfred Jay Iloreta, MD, become a better head and neck surgeon.

…First-person shooter games were among his favorites. He also loved complex strategy games, like WOW, a massive multiplayer online role-playing video game, and Civilization, a turn-based adventure where players lead a civilization from ancient times to the modern era through exploration, diplomacy, and conquest.

He knew those games challenged his brain, but at the time, he didn’t know that he was also building essential surgical skills like hand–eye coordination, visual–spatial perception, situational awareness, and decision-making under pressure. He also didn’t know that he’d one day use modified video game controllers to perform minimally invasive procedures—or don a virtual reality gaming headset to plan surgeries.

“The crossover skillset I got from video games is invaluable,” said Dr. Iloreta, an assistant professor of otolaryngology, neurosurgery, artificial intelligence, and human health at the Icahn School of Medicine at Mount Sinai in New York. “I’m an endoscopic skull-based surgeon; I operate nearly universally on a camera and screen, in a very complex three-dimensional space, using instruments with joystick-like controllers.”

You can read more in my latest ENT Today article, From Video Game Controllers to ORs: The Surprising Role of Gaming in Modern Medical Practices.

Adults misjudge the utility of kids’ interests

I wrote that article months ago but stumbled across it online today, shortly after reading a Substack Note by a fellow writer concerned about all the kids she saw gaming & on devices at her local library. What will become of these kids, she wondered?

I responded, in part: “They will code video games and apps, communicate & collaborate digitally with humans all around the world, figure out new & innovative uses for AI, and perhaps discover & create new ways to connect…”

It’s an optimistic assessment, to be sure. And almost certainly, not all of those kids will code, work in tech, or lead digital innovations. But many of them WILL, simply by virtue of the fact that the world is moving in that direction.

Adults have long misjudged the utility of kids’ interests & how they spend/“waste” their time. But who are we to say we know, with any kind of certainty, how a child (or any human) should spend their time? Who are we to discount the child’s intuition, interest, and self-knowledge? Or the fact that we really don’t know what the world will be like 20 years from now?

My years of homeschooling & closely observing children taught me two things:

1. An interest in anything can lead anywhere. Start with butterflies; end up learning about geography. Play WoW; perform surgery. One thing often leads to the next in ways we can’t see at the beginning.
2. When a child is deeply interested in & engaged with something, they are getting something out of it. I may not see or know what it is, but whatever they are doing, it is feeding something in them in some way.

Summer Success Equation: Benign Neglect + Interests + Work

The New York Times appears to have recently endorsed the idea of “kid rotting” this summer. I hate the term— because “rot” something to avoid and the result of neglect. And because what they term as “kid rotting” (“weeks of unplanned time” in lieu of “high-intensity camps & activities”) is pretty much just “summer” and “normal life” around here.

I know this time of year is hard for working parents. I know we’re all simply trying to survive. So let me help. Use my summer success equation, borne of desperation & lack of resources:

Benign Neglect + Interests + Work = Summer Success

I’ll break it down for you:

• Benign Neglect — Do what you gotta do for yourself (work, for instance). Let go of the idea that you are 100% responsible for scheduling your kids’ days. Lower your standards. Give your kids time and space to do…whatever.
• Interests — Support & facilitate your kids’ interests. Get them books or supplies as needed. Accept messes (and teach them how to clean up). Say yes more than you say no — even if the “yes” makes you a bit nervous. Real life example: I routinely dropped off kids at a body of water for hours of unattended fishing. (The kids had life jackets & cell phones & were not alone. They were also experienced enough to fish safely independently.) Chapter 5 of my book Building Boys, Help Him Find & Develop His Talents, includes a lot more detail & concrete ideas for support boys’ interests.
• Work — The best way to “prepare kids for the real world” is to involve them in the real world as they grow. Let your kids contribute to the work of the house and family. They can cook, clean, and care. They can fix, maintain, and organize. Pro tip: Kids are more likely to be enthusiastic about tasks that align with their interests and are just beyond their current skill set. (Also: complaining about routine, boring tasks is normal. Calmly ignore the complaining & remind them that everyone in a household has to contribute to it’s upkeep.) You can learn more in Chapter 7 of Building Boys, Challenge Him with Chores & Caregiving, & in Chapter 10, Connect Him to the Real World.

Will this equation ensure summer peace & harmony? No. Will it support your kids’ development? Absolutely! Although I stumbled on this equation via a lack of other options, research and science has shown that this approach supports autonomy, skill development, and confidence.

So, stop fighting about video gaming. Relax your expectations, embrace your kids’ interests, involve them in the life & work of the family, & have a good summer!

Here’s to building boys!

Jen