Our friend and one of the sponsors of our Wonder of Parenting Podcast is the psychologist, Dr. Gregory Jantz.  He is author of more than 30 books in psychology and education and co-founder of The Center, A Place of Hope.  Dr. Jantz and his team have provided this week’s blog post on a key topic of American life, though many Americans (and world citizens, too) don’t realize how significant the suicide crisis has become.

Thank you Dr. Jantz and The Center for supplying this important information and helping us do this work.  Michael Gurian and our team will also discuss suicide prevention at our Winter Institute in January (https://gurianinstitute.com/events/gurian-winter-institute-2021/).  Here now is Dr. Jantz’s very powerful blog on this crucial topic.

Suicide is the leading cause of death after unintentional injuries for Americans up to the age of 34. For 35-54 year olds, it is the #4 cause of death.  Americans over 55 die by suicide more than any other age group.  Men are 3 1/2 times more likely than women to die by suicide, with middle-aged white males having the highest suicide rate. An American dies by suicide about every ten minutes, 131 times a day, and over 48,000 times a year.  The devastating effect to families, children, and communities can be profound. But just knowing the numbers doesn’t help us improve the situation.

Why Do People Commit Suicide?

For some, concerns can seem to mount. Finances, relationships, health, stress, fear, abuse. Any one of these can be debilitating. Coupling two or more together can have long-lasting mental health challenges.  When these concerns do not seem to improve, or if they get worse, we can begin to lose hope. If we are struggling with mental health, our inner voice can start to lead us to a very dark place. “No one loves me…things will never get better…it would be better if I was dead.” These are very real “voices” people feeling hopeless tell themselves. The pattern can be powerful, spiraling, and difficult to change.

What are warning signs someone may be thinking about suicide?

• Speaking of suicide or death. “I want to die.” “I want to kill myself.”
• Getting the means to kill oneself, like buying a firearm
• Being distant, unhappy, disengaged
• Increasing use of drugs
• Quitting eating, going out with friends
• Giving away important keepsakes or momentos
• Feelings of helplessness
• Crying frequently, being fearful, worried, showing depression and/or anxiety

Certainly not every person who has anxiety or depression is suicidal. But it can be a trait.

What Can I Do to Help?

Empathy, compassion, and listening are powerful traits that soothe souls. When we are hurting, we want to feel comforted, safe, that things will get better. We want people to understand why we feel the way we do. We want hope of a brighter, happier future.

The first thing you can do is be aware of the sensitivities of those close to you. Is someone exhibiting depressive, anxiety-ridden, or suicidal behaviors? Be aware, cognizant of their words, behavior, body language.

If you feel someone is considering suicide, do not ignore it. If you feel it is imminent or an emergency, stay with them until you can get professional help. Call 911 to get immediate help. Contact a close friend or family member of theirs right away. If needed, call your friend, call your personal physician.

If someone is struggling, show them love and empathy. Listen to them. Do not judge. But do not be afraid to ask a direct question. “I’ve noticed you’ve been talking a lot about wanting to die. Have you been having thoughts about trying to kill yourself?” Be prepared for their answer.

Listen. Listen. Listen some more.

What to Say

• “I acknowledge how you are feeling”
• “I am here for you…”
• “I will help you…”
• “We will get through this together.”
• “I know I don’t understand completely…but I want to be here for you and support you”

What NOT To Say

• “It’s not that bad”
• “You’ll be fine”
• “Stay positive”
• “Well, you just need to buckle up…”
• “Don’t talk like that”
• “I know how you feel”
• “You would kill me if you killed yourself”
• “You have a lot to live for”
• “It’s not so bad. Other people have it worse.”
• “Just get through it and it will be better…”
• “You will go to hell.”

There is HOPE

There is encouraging news. There is HOPE for those who struggle with suicidal thoughts.   If you or a loved one is struggling with suicidal thoughts, depression, anxiety, trauma, or combinations of these, call The Center today at 888.771.5166. We are here to help you (https://www.aplaceofhope.com/).  With over 30 years of life-changing whole person care, we believe we can help restore you to balance, energy, happiness and purpose.